Working in the ward on a busy day is like organising a prayer rally. If you know how was it like to organise a prayer rally, you will know how much effort and perfection you need when working in the ward because it's life you are dealing with.
Today I had a disgusting day but I feel glad because I feel I have done perfect job with all the cases. There were many factors and accumulation of feelings that caused a disgusting day. Reflecting about all factors, I understand that no one should be blamed. Let me name the things that caused stress as N (negative) and the reasons why I should just let go as P (positive). Understand? Negative and positive?
Early morning I was not in a good mood with the accumulation of feelings yesterday. N1. Yesterday someone complained to mummy about me not helping other staffs. N2. There were 3 ICs yesterday and my side at the start was a bit more relax. I managed to go for break and bought for them. I felt very bad because the other two ICs just seemed to be too busy to be able to go break. I really wanted to help and always thought that I should be able to finish so like delayed mine work by offering help but in the end I got changes and stuck in a room. They did the rest of the routine and I ended up not finishing on time too. I felt like such a failure.
P1. There were 4 MCs today and it caused the whole ward to be messy with all N3. the deploying of staffs and lacking of staffs at each station. P2. At first there was only 2 ICs but thank God that XZ was called back to work. N4. Later part of the morning, I was accused of not helping and I just shouted back at that person saying that not I dont want to help but I was helping another colleague with her 9am discharge. I got really irritated but P3 I understand that there was stress from her also because she was overall junior with two students but 1 student MC too and the diet was not served yet when it was almost 9am.
N5. My day started with dressingsss....I got 5 patients who need dressings but I did it for 6 times in total. I was stuck with this patient for almost 1 hour for just her hand dressings that caused me to have backache. She was not able to turn her hand in a way that was easier for me to do and it was really tideous. P4. She didnt say a thank you but did show appreciation by acknowledging that I do till I got backache. Maybe 'this' not knowing how to express appreciation caused her to be landed in the hospital. Oh well! I just know that she is quite depressed over her injures and just do my best to attend to her. N6. I was so busy that I didnt go break at all. This is a big thing man because I am having gastric now. When I was done with mine 4th dressing, I went to discharge one of my patients. P5. Thank God she was really patient. When I went over, she really looked like that she needed to go very urgently but yet she didnt come out to pester me to give her the documents but waited for me to go over.
Then it was time to pass report and I only wrote 2 reports out of 8 patients. N7. Sometimes the thing that I really dont understand is that why do people expect you to finish everything during your shift when they know that you were really really busy with the changes. I just felt that way when I passed over to ZJ because she didnt offer to help. P6. Well I may be too spoilt in always wanting to rely on people for help.
N8. After that I rushed to do the dressing for the patient who I spent 1 hour with. This time round need to teach the husband how to do. It was definitely easier with another hand helping me with pulling up patient's hair and supporting her head but it was not easy teaching him too. He just asked same question over and over again. There was a few more things to do for her which I had already passed it on. N7. I did tell ZH it is really impossible to discharge her during my time but I did all I can to complete. Like the husband asked for some more dressing materials and I got it settled by getting it from the ward but just got to send the form down to get a new supply to return to ward which I filled the form too. I started to write report and the OT told ZJ and I that the patient asking a lot of things and waiting for discharge but she just seemed like she is not going to do anything. Well all right so I called the doctor about patient's request but didnt get through. N9. I saw that patient's appointment slip that my ward clerk returned back with one small error that I didnt do and felt disappointed because why she didnt call me to ask which she will usually do and had to make me walk to central to give her the appointment slip again. P7. Come again, maybe she did call but I not around or it was another clerk who most probably wont be that nice or today was really a terrible day for her too as I heard. N7. Anyway before I went to central to settle that, ZJ knew about the above and I was hoping that she will continue from there but she just gave the look that I should settle. I ignored her and continued to write my report.
At that time I was really stressed up already and felt very sensitive. N10. XZ called the two colleagues to eat the cake first before continuing working instead of me and despite knowing that I didnt go break at all. Nothing big but I just needed someone to comfort me. N11. I saw ZH and I was comforted because I thought she was coming to offer me help but she helped SY do a dressing and arranged case file. I dont mean to say her side not heavy but I just felt so alone. I would be glad enough if she just talked to me. N12. They served the pre and post meal despite their sides were heavy. They can do that why cant I? Were XZ and SY thinking of me that way? That's why she didnt offer me the cake or help? P2. However like I said earlier on that thank God, XZ was called back if not SY and I will really die.
N13. I went over to do my last dressing on the verge of crying but patient's daughter came in and I held back my tears. P8. It was great to have the daughter because she helped me to hold the patient's leg and I also tried my best to answer her about the consequences of patient refusing treatment. I really cannot be bothered with that patient's discharge but fortunately P9. I walked passed them so many times but they didnt bug me for the documents. N7. I just decided to see if ZJ got it settled. I asked if she called the doctor but no? The error appointment slip was still on the case file. I was really pissed and decided to just settled it and discharge them. That's when I went to central to get new appointment. I called the doctor and he picked up that time. P10. Luckily he came down quite fast and just then patient's husband came out to the counter and to my surprise P9. he didnt flare up but asked for the documents very nicely. At this point, ZH started to talk to me but I just ignored her and was finding for the stupid tube that was gone! N8. I broke down when I really cannot find the tube. P8. ZH started to calm me down despite my ignores to her. I discharged my patient at 5PM! 5PM leh! It's over my timing for one and a half hour! P11. Well I feel cannot blame ZJ too because maybe it might be really messy if she discharge patient as she might not know the full story for her and sort of there was a sick patient. She helped me to insert a catheter too which probably that should be done earlier by me.
P8. ZH and SY then helped me to settle my discharges too, N14. which SY looked reluctant too. I was telling them about what happened this morning and SY pushed ZH to my side to listen. I think I was sensitive but she didnt give me a good feeling about being interested to hear. I was once close to her. I just realised that in the ward there is no one that I can really talk to except ZH and Bel. I do envy that ZH and the one whole group of my batch seem close but I just cant be that close even though ZH tried to get me into the clique. I feel so childish. P12. Before I left the ward, FC saw me and she asked why my face like that? Then asked is it want to vomit again. I was comforted for her concern.
Conclusion! This is a close fight between negative and positive. Sorry but to say negative won but by 2 points. So I am slightly negative then positive after counselling myself. Well not so bad la but I am really tired liao! Sleep!
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