More disappointed

My gosh..Such a short day but so stressful. I have not been very well today but finished my work early today. My colleagues took the roster over to our station and we were all looking at it. I was not able to find my name and just then sister Chia came over. I told her cannot find my name and she said mine is over at A side roster. I stunned a moment and started tearing. Norani, Syahidah and Annabelle were all around to stop me from crying. I said that I am going over because I am not performing well. They told me to not think that way and go ask sister first. I asked sister and she said that because A side is lacking of staffs. She gave me a "slap" on my cheek and said not because she does not want me. I told her I cried before I asked her and she gave me more slapped, laughed and told my other colleagues that I very silly. All of us stood there and laughed. SSN Vali said that Sister Chiew requested for me to go over because they want someone that worked at A side before. I felt relieve but still quite upset because sister said permanently will be there for now. I finally getting myeslf adapted to B side and with the colleagues but now I need to go back A side. I feel quite upset but what to do, I have to listen to the authorties. Not a bad thing though, can get away some unpleasant things.

I felt so tired on my way to church and I just got to see people that I was not ready to talk to. I acknowledged them and went up to church straight but least that I expected they have not attended mass and came to sit beside me for mass. Through the mass I really was not able to let my thoughts be still but just thought of the disappointment and sort of broke down.

I talked to them after mass and I do feel better letting it out even though I was more disappointed than before. I rather they told me that they forgot about me than the reasons that they gave me. It made sense and I understood where they were coming from. It was about the other people not able to mix with the younger ones and because I am from there, in order to be fair they chose not to call me too. When they made the decision, why there was no one who can stand up for me and say that I am different from them and I wont do the same? Have none of them seen me always trying to get to know the younger ones or seen me always with the same clicks? Yes I definitely can go for that occasion but no one told me anything so how can I go? I was so caught up at work that I didnt remember the day too but I would go if I have no plans that day. Aiya just so disappointing and sad. Now I do have every reason for feeling like I dont have any friends. However I feel better to let them know how I feel.