Get out of this disappointment please..

I feel so disappointed with myself..I dont know what's wrong with me too, dont seem to be focusing. At the start of the shift, there were a lot of things to settle and we made round till 12 and it was time to give anitbiotics. After giving, 2 admissions came in. I helped Su to do 1 admission because she was at the other patient and we continued to answer call bells till 3am then able to write report. I guess I was a little kan cheong and afraid that not able to finish with 20 patients and the other routines. I wrote till 5am and checked through the imrs and trying to remember something that I got to do but I still missed things out. I was too stressed because the time was getting nearer and Su was not able to finsh her work too. Not able to calm myself for this night, perhaps I didnt do night for very long and I dont know all the patients who have long stories. I just feel disappointed and scared to go work. I dont know how to get out of the disappointment. God please help me tonight.

What does being appreciative means?

That was the question I had yesterday. I was helping my colleagues to take down the inservices that they have attended before while I was taking down mine. Ab Neo was helping me too. I gave to them but none of them said a thank you. I mean I didnt do it for people to like me or just want to hear a thank you but I just kind of a little shock that the 4 people I gave to, no one show appreciation. It just led me to think of the statement that my colleagues said: 'The ward will not appreciate what you have done." It is kind of ironic that people who made such statement are not showing that they appreciate too?

I am not trying to say they are not nice. They are very very nice people who are willing to help when you approach them and people who encourages. I just feel like I am living in a world that is not loving enough. Well actually I can say that to me being who they are towards me are being appreciative already. To me it does not mean that being appreciative must always say a thank you, we can show it through our actions too. Like I am very willing to buy food for my station to actually show that I appreciate them. Is it not a natural thing for people to say thank you when they take initiative to do something for you? I think it is good to have the habit to say thank you and let people who does not really know you to feel appreciated. I guess I feel appreciated because I know them and know how they are like. I guess we should all start this way and change this place that we are living a more loving place to stay at and we will know that it is not too bad too. I hope that we can be saying that the ward is starting to appreciate when I continue to show my appreciation in the most simplest way.

Save me from this crazy world

My mum just told me that my papa has started to talk rubbish ever since he started talking this new medicine. She told me the rubbish things he said and instead of getting worried, I found it funny. Perhaps I have seen it too many times at work and find it normal but I do find it shocking that it is happening to my father. I read up the 2 brain medicines he has been taking but I still cannot figure out what to do. The doctor who prescribed the new medicine has went on a holiday already, unable to get him. My mum and I think that prehaps he has too much of this brain medicines that causing this weird symptoms to develop. He has taken 4 times of the medicine already and it stated on the website that the treatment should not sudden stop. I told my mum not to continue but not to give so many times until when I find help at work or my tan jian ming replies me tomorrow.

haiz what a moody roller coaster day today..I felt so irritated with myself for being so tired because of work and I got no energy to do other things. My guilt is going to eat me up because I feel very bad still not able to serve God. I can find the time but I cannot fight with my body's condition. I know I need the rest, if not my patients might be in a terrible state. That's why I didnt wake up for 7am mass and go for catclass meeting. I reached home quite late last night after my friend's wedding. If I have no work today, I would definitely go for meeting and attend 5.30pm mass. I really felt super terrible that I hated work and didnt want to go work. However when I go work today, I felt happy again. I was deployed to central and had fun working with tan peng liang with his rubbish that was quite funny. I went back with him and he was saying I am a werird person. He sounded as though trying to tell me to better grab people who likes me if not no one will like this weird person. I think I am hyperactive. Nowadays talk so loud and hyper. I think something wrong with me too. I think I should refer myself to psy. Aiya want to sleep liao...

Super tired la!

I went to Ellenborough Market Cafe at Swiss hotel to have buffet yesterday. There was nothing special or interesting to me and it was super expensive. I spent about 56 bucks? Not worth it! However had fun with my secondary school friend nana..Took a few crapy photos here and there. I think I ate too much and went back a little too late even though we took cab back. Today had some funny feelings of my tummy and felt very very frustrated with everything. Later part of the day felt really unwell. Stomach kept churning and felt like puking. I managed to be home in one piece..I was so exhausted! I better go rest now..Tomorrow is the last day of my morning shift and finally my rest...Catch my photos on facebook which I will upload soon!