The start of 22nd

I have accidentally deleted my blog and I guess this is a sign to start of a new year, my 22nd year of my life. I felt that my 21st year of life was rather meaningless. All I can remember doing was just leading PPC praise and worhsip session, getting to know Eu Jin and Justin and called them to attend some bible sharing, working...There were lots of unhappiness too like getting upset with someone over and over again, memos, attitudes that dont seem right, scoldings, ups and downs like a roller coaster rides at work that I almost cannot take it anymore.

However I managed to reach the next year of my life, all thanks to the people who God sent to me. Made me new friends like Jenny who supported me well, my colleagues who were there to encourage me and listened to my whines, my little ones in church who always made me feel welcomed in church, my praents, especially my mother who tolerated my frustrations, last of all my kor who has been spening a lot of times with me and always enlighten me and advising me what to do. My 22nd year has just started for 5 days, new challenges are already coming my way. I am really scared and not prepared for any challenges.

I was told by Zi hui that I am going to central in Nov. It sounded quite exciting but I am afraid too. It seems likegoing to be a brand new environment I am going to work in even though is in the same ward. No doubts I will learn a lot but I guess it's not going to be easy as at A side. I believe I am going to go through even more than ever because I am no longer a new girl and I have no preceptor. There are many things I am expected to know but I am really not exposed much at A side.

Today met up with Moses to enquiry about being catechist. I have received whatever information I wanted and sort of settled the plan to start next year with liss and camp and there after decide if I want to join them for 1 year to discern if I am called to be. I saw Gerry later on and we talked for a while. In the end, she suggested to start this Sunday as they are going to plan for the next year plan. I was a little shock but I am glad because I want to get involve with the CC4 because the 2 girls who asked me to be their Godma. It is a great chance because they have yet to start planning for next year and I am able to join them. Isnt it God's will? However it's really fast and I am not prepared on how to arrange my schedule as I start on the journey to discern.

I went out with Godma today and it seems like God is sending her to knock on my head to wake me up. Everything is still the same as how it should be but I have fallen in again. I really didnt expect to feel anything when Godma made that statement but I did. A sudden sadness came over me and I just didnt want to believe that it will happen. She might not know if it is really true but it was a reminder for me to let go. She might have said that because she knows that I have not let go. I was really sad when I was going home, thinking about what she said and my fears for whatever that are coming made me feel worst.

Thank God I am not working tomorrow because I am really not ready. Even though I have not been working the whole week but I still feel physically tired and thinking what I am going to face at work made me scared to go back. I really pray that God will give me the courage to face everyday and let go. God I need You! Please be with me!